Prego le mie colleghe, anche in forma anonima, di sponsorizzare i loro di clienti, raccontandomi gli episodi più esilaranti, in modo di avere un panorama completo e esaustivo del sottobosco con cui dobbiamo interagire.....
Merita un posto la temeraria che un sabato pomeriggio di pienone quasi natalizio affronta le casse "sprint!"...... Occorre un chiarimento per chi non è pratico di questo Triangolo delle Bermuda collocato tra la cassa 8 e la 14...... Uno spazio che potrebbe intitolarsi benissimo "Qualcuno volò sul nido del cuculo" ed avere come protagonista al posto del caro vecchio Jack un qualsiasi cliente che affronta l'ignoto, una Fossa delle Marianne dalla quale si esce molto più incazzati di come si è entrati e con la netta sensazione di essere stati presi per il culo da una macchina, esperienza non nuova di questi tempi (quella dell'essere presi per il culo intendo) ma traumatizzante for each of us. The cases "sprint" were created to speed up the code and allow customers, with a few articles and want to get involved, to take the place of the cashier and go quickly without damage to the barrier and to the satisfaction of both parts .... this is the theoretical version and the specific purpose of the thing ... The sad reality is customers with tons of cargo in trucks shaky hypnotized in front of a flashing display that whispers
"card accepted" (hey, there is a cashier in here!)
"position the "........ goods eeeeehhhhhhhh ?.........
"unknown article "....... EEEHHHHHHHH ?.....
" remove the article and call for service "... but look slightly annoyed and seal finger pressing frantically at random on the screen to not give the satisfaction of calling for help right away ... at least we come to demand from 5000 to request , 50 and 50 .....
comes the cashier, "he typed on the screen lady?"
"I ????? Noooooo !!!!! Absolutely not! "Pitiless gaze of the cashier and piercing ... nervous tic of customer who knows he is guilty of having nailed everything, but not admit it even under torture ....
And we want to neglect the children? Those who have children who do not know enough to say "Carletto raised my hands from there" because "there" when you nail Carletto managed to get there and we played for a quarter of an hour without his mother, mesmerized by the holy woman item of machinery or simply committed to get his affairs, he could cure the least ..... I piccoli impazziscono a dare ditate sul display come fanno impazzire a far scorrere le dita sulle barre che servono a far scivolare gli articoli oltre il display quando sono in cassa, sta alla cassiera, quando i genitori latitano, distrarre il bimbo magari scherzando con lui o, ultima spiaggia, facendo passare sbadatamente un Coccolino da tre litri sulle manine sante... ma la macchina non può fare niente altro che inchiodarsi per manifestare il suo dissenso..... e lo fa spesso e volentieri in questa zona franca dello scontrino......
Ho visto famiglie sfasciarsi davanti al display che chiedeva se si desiderasse il giornalino o no (una risposta secca: si o no... non esiste il forse... magari potrei poi lo uso come carta igienica...mi fa vedere la copertina?.. me lo dia ne faccio la raccolta per la stufa... non so se lo prendo o no..... SI o NO... categorico) e passare direttamente dalla spesa allo studio legale.....
Ho raccolto cestini con mezza spesa ancora da passare dimenticata di fianco alla cassa perchè il succo è: siamo tutte cassiere quando dalla parte della cassa non ci siamo noi...(in liguria, da noi, si dice "siamo tutti bullicci col Job of the other "just to give you an idea of \u200b\u200bhow it's easy to do when we are not experts in a given situation .... we belin finesse that exposure eh ?.....). .. but when things are reversed, the music changes and there is a tragedy in the face and hands by ancient feuds between customers and between customers and cashiers ...... For famous saying "The customer is always right "It is the customer willing to put in the wrong slot of the cash card or credit card in the slot of the small change ... It 's the machine is not calibrated properly is not the ...... customer spending late in the mid screams loudly "But the membership card when I pass?" (First ask himself is too clever?) But is the machine that should act more or less like this:
"Hey John, how to throw today? Had coffee? Okay at home?
" Can you give me the membership card that blue you have in your pocket on the left third of the portfolio that you keep in the right pocket of his jeans? ....
"a great start and now ...."
"Get the bag of coffee to your left (hand where you have the faith nuptial) and show it to the display .... very good, the display is happy, he did beep!'re Going really strong! !!
"The bar code, Jack, are those thin stripes that are on one side of the toilet paper ... you just see those flaws to display ... so ... good ... You hear that beep? Means that the machine has seen it and now ....
"Now you'd like to bag some Gianni?"
"Well ... put the paper money (currency made of paper) into the slot on your right at the top two centimeters below the edge of metallic ... Bravo !!!!!
Collect the rest of the bowl-shaped hole right in front of you: Black is a little hollow ... shotfirer blaze .... .... FIRE !!!!!"
"We have all your stuff in the bag and ... GIANNIIIIIII !!!!!!"
"The receipt Gianni ... A leaflet that comes to your left is a white slip ... Take it with you not to leave ... take care of them .....
"The basket? You can leave it in the middle of the speakers without worry about that, this is your house to your house and of course leave the shopping bag in the middle of the room is not it? Go quietly, some pick it up ....
"Hello Gianni to the next and come back soon ... live new adventure ......"
This is the movie that must have seen the customer deserves the 5 th place, after positioned to become cross-eyed from the effort, the goods on the platform next to the cash .... responded to the machine that practically ordered monotone (the advantages of the machine is not to have feelings or sensations, a cashier would have already entered into a vegetative state) for at least ten minutes "to place the item on the platform with the shirt and in his hand screaming "for a moment, see?'m bending the ........" trying to interact with a cash ...... legendary!!
"And 'I'
" It will be weighed and paid for her after "... smile .....
"Paid? But it's just a stalk of celery ....."... look beached sea bream of the cashier ....
"In this supermarket stalks celery should be weighed and paid for, I'm sorry "
" My grocer is different .....".............
"Well, then make a visit to his greengrocers confidence and give the face a whole celery, but if he wants those two stalks in his pocket to pay for them ....."
Look for Winnie the Pooh's client, before the eye of the gentle but firm cashier, goes from sly all'incazzato itself, leaving the celery stick to his fate and walks away angry with deep sorrow for the loss of a record collection ........ indefensible
Le furbette della coda . Ore 21 la cassiera deve chiudere, essendo finito il suo turno.... Guarda i tre carrelli strabordanti che ha in coda e dice all'ultimo cliente "lei è l'ultimo poi chiudo la cassa", ma arriva trafelatissima una signora con carrellone gigante e prega affinchè la cassiera serva pure lei..... La nostra, pur tirando mentalmente giù santini e sante, acconsente e si prepara alla chiusura in ritardo sull'orario.
Looking at the queue as needed, the teller a note that greets his mischievous friend who now is approaching and our heroine, sly as a fox in a hen house has a flash of genius, does it sit with the truck before her, so that s. ...... lady is always the last in the row, but the cashier has a shopping mega more to serve ......
As we approach the two daring scene is this:
"Are you together?" .. friendly smile of the cashier .....
"Yes, yes we are together" smile of complicity ....
"You are sure to be together?" less kindly smile of the cashier just waiting for the input .......
"I told you once, we're together" ... annoyance mixed with the knowledge that the cashier might not really seem like an idiot ....
"Well, you're together .... Well, sir, because when I close my case said there was only one of you last in the queue and now she checked out of the blue , passed in pole position with its beautiful basket full as if nothing had happened, I would hate to decide who of the two must serve while the other sits politely in another case? SA, at this time of night and failing already done a favor, non gradisco troppo i furbi".....e col pensiero..... "fanculizzati !!!!!" Sguardo attonito e baldanza sparita in un attimo sotto l'occhio più stanco che inviperito della cassiera che dopo ore di turno non è ben disposta a farsi prendere per il culo in modo così eclatante......
Il signor "buono pasto" Questo spiritosissimo fenomeno capita alla cassa in un affollato pomeriggio di inizio settimana... scarica sul rullo una montagna di merce, Roman jokes and shouting in a loud voice, declaiming that it is not the place, but Roman (no one had understood and felt the lack of all this idiot to continue in its coliseum )....... cabaret under the amused gaze of the spouse (if married there is a reason) and the puzzled cashier ....
At the end of the bill pulls out a bunch of good meal which would pay toys, stationery, chemicals and all sorts of other article inedible .....
When the cashier kindly points out that the machine is to declare what may be given in euro in food stamps and the machine has decreed that can give emerita a chip only because they do not have anything usufruible at the moment, looks like an asparagus saw speak and then declared:
"In Rome We buy what we want with the meal "
" But go? But in Liguria knows we're a little strange, lunch vouchers to understand articles that you can just put in the mouth during a meal like that I sliced, water, cheese and barbie, cars or cross-hair dyes "
The Roman forced looks really angry (and spends 170 € after the bully for a quarter of an hour, shouting for attention can not bullshit hold back now) and declares, "All right here it means that there will come more .....".. a wish or a threat? ...
"Ottima decisione... il mio stipendio rimane sempre uguale"... incazzatura a mille.......
"Anche il mio rimane uguale...."
"Il suo fino a che la Ditta per cui lavora non si accorgerà che spende i buoni pasto per comprare altra merce...... Buongiorno e grazie!!!"
1. Lapo A young man dressed in provocative Lapo Elkann, Borsalino hat, long hair in a ponytail, foularino purple jacket up into large squares and funny as a bout of acute dissinteria fixing the cashier that he just addressed a smile and a "Hello," begins with "I do not know that is disgraceful dive prejudice , Vomano ago, but bisognevebbe buongiovno dive? "The cashier, who barely feels any prejudice to respond to client, fixing this & Pozzi Ginori dressed in Just Cavalli ; with a lisp that makes accaponare dull skin from inside the ears, undecided whether to give him a head or pretend to be lobotomized to remove it as soon as possible before ..... Hey mister "bon ton" fuck off ... .... The next time you do not make sense ...... I salute
2. Cepu "Look, here's my membership card, I would two large and three small bags, if it gives me a blue bag I'd put into the plant, I can then scale the points by your partner? I also have a good that I put above everything and if he can pass before the water back in the truck suffered ....."
"Madam, I only watched for a moment, I have yet to say how much the customer spends before her ....."
3.La spirit
"I I do not have to queue!! I have to thaw frozen!! Battutona ........... ahahahaha !!!!!
4. Barbun
"Excuse me, this shoe has a sign on the right .... can make me a discount?"
5. Distracted
"Mrs. Dash the two who must pay them in the cart?"
"Oh yes ...... I told him that I had three"
"I'm sorry I have not heard ......" ... and I think even you will be heard ......
6. Miss grumbling
"These bags stink"
"They are biodegradable lady is the smell of corn"
"You could spice ?"..... no comment ......
7. Consistency
Light on the box ... "Lady is closing ?"........
Light off ... "Lady ........ open?" ...........
8. Intrusiveness
"Madam, questa non è la sua carta socio"
"Ah pensavo avesse già passato la mia"
"Sto ancora servendo il signore prima di lei, come faccio ad aver già passato la sua carta?"
"Ah..... e la mia carta dov'è?" .... (me la sono intascata e la rivendo al mercato nero).......
"E' qui signora, altrimenti finisce dentro al rullo....."..........
9. Invadenza 2
"Signora, può gentilmente spostarsi che il signore dovrebbe digitare il pin del bancomat?"......
"Ah .. si mi scusi...." Immobile come uno scoglio di Bergeggi, senza spostarsi di un centimetro continuando a fissare la cassiera con la nebbia dietro gli occhi..........
10. Originale
"Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find pumice? Sa my wife uses it to shave ......"... oh God, and what does his wife instead of baobab hair? It scales like alligators?
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