Well ..... I had a moment of clarity, we will have self-mocking, but I think the joy is very more therapeutic then I see the sadness of resume once the logical sense of this blog: a laugh at anyone who passes this way .....
; In this direction, because ultimately most of my clients buckles magical gifts of clairvoyance and Firmly convinced that I am the sister of his cousin as well as the magician Otelma Forest and then as well as a & Pozzi Ginori (see relatives that I find myself), genetically disposed to make predictions (in her when they get the tomatoes?), guessing prices (the price can not understand when I say how important are fennel?), ultrasound capture only we can hear the cashier, I am going to put on his glasses (they are practically blind and I consider it an advantage, I would sometimes be no hearing and above all, on occasion, dell'olfatto) e guardare nella palla di vetro per scoprire cosa porterà il 2011 alle varie categorie di clienti...... Suddivise per segno zodiacale "virtuale" e per altre caratteristiche che naturalmente niente hanno a che vedere con quelle dei veri segni (dei quali io non so una emerita cippa dato che non mi interessano le previsioni zodiacali... Io classifico la mia giornata dal buongiorno... Vi faccio un esempio pratico? .... Esco di primo mattino per andare al lavoro e appena metto il naso fuori dal portone inizia a piovere ma io non ho preso l'ombrello? Non mi accorgo di una pozzanghera e ci entro dentro stile Tania Cagnotto con tutte e due gli stivali fino alle ginocchia? Il primo cliente the day the smell of wet dog, is charged with 50 € spent 1:50, did not know what the coins and the more you complain about bags? It will be a shitty day .... It usually guesses always .....) Follow me on this tour and do not regret it ........
sign Aries I born of the sign 'Aries have the same vehemence and their motto is 'everything now'. Those belonging to this sign I call the "Geriatric Terminator's" third age "to combat" wildly anxious, wander like lost souls in any lane of the neuro, slumped on their trucks an hour before opening, at 8 am -2 ° with the sun in front of the barred gates of the supermarket, spreading clouds of discontent and maliciously targeting the nearby carriage thinking to beat him on the shoot as soon as the doors begin to open ....... Geriatric's pain in the ass I have graduated with an honorary master spin doctors in Lombard with a thesis entitled "In my day ......".......
A terminator ram arriva velocissima alle 9.03 in punto, mi lancia sulla cassa un buono da 1 euro e passa oltre con il suo sacchetto sponsorizzato pieno di caramelle e cioccolate.......
"Buongiorno signora, vogliamo passare gli articoli in promozione?"
"Le ho dato il buono......"
La guardo e sento che il destino ci premia o ci castiga a seconda di quello che siamo stati in vite precendenti, io devo essere stata un boia, una escort o una politica....Forse tutte e tre le cose insieme adesso che la guardo meglio...
"Quindi signora? La si paga per portare a casa gli articoli in promozione?"
"EH?.......Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh....... already .. excuse me ... I have to pay them chocolates and candies "
Well, good, let's connect the neurological circuits have to be in the morning to early afternoon okay ?.....
The sign of belonging to ' Ram 2011 will have a clear code of expectations ... and the gates will open magically on their arrival and any cashier will cause them to proceed quickly over the barrier with a smile .... as long as they behave within the bounds of decency and not to ask ; 21:10 in the afternoon of Christmas Eve "But tomorrow you are closed?" and the gaze of the cashier, smiling from Robocop hesitant murmur ".... And the day after tomorrow? "because allora prevedo come minimo una testata anestetizzante .......
Sensibile, intelligente e gentile, il vero Toro si infuria per un solo motivo: la gelosia. Toccategli qualcosa di suo e .... si salvi chi può!!
Il cliente Toro è quello che si presenta alla cassa con la spesa già insacchettata..... I deperibili nelle borse frigo sigillate e il resto nei sacchetti o nelle scatole di cartone, tutto costruito stile Lego:ogni pezzo si incastra con l'altro in un blocco unico e indissolubile... La cassiera lo osserva come farebbe con un geco sul muro di casa e lui non abbassa gli eyes, not ashamed but I defy anyone to "touch" your spending .......
The cashier stares at him for an incalculable time, suddenly emits a hissing rattlesnake style, takes the bag from the bottom and with a lightning movement as traumatic remove all contents on the roller staring into the eyes the phenomenon becomes jaundiced yellow, but shall not object to the scanner, the receipt and the evil fate ....
If the cashier is a "Scazzieri" (see post cashier's land) throw away boxes and bags of trash garbage without batting an eye to the grievances of the client, otherwise it will look funny and painfully the same places all the shopping bags in the supermarket and cursing its employees ........
The 2011 will cost the Bulls the most diverse and well arranged on the rollers ... via the stalactites waving at each feed, via the board of ham or take away from the roll to the floor Coccolini giant ... bag hidden away under mountains of goods and handkerchiefs were folded as in the press of the ironing .... .. a new year full of reasoning and respect for others ....... YES WE CAN? unfortunately is a question and not a certainty ....
sign Gemini Those born under the sign of Gemini are always curious about everything and everyone and are able to grasp with intelligence occazioni conducive to that life offers. The client of this sign traveling as a couple ... Usually the wife is the impulse that even before the cashier has come to her, takes the lightning-splitter next customer and lies on the roller with the whole arm to mark his territory, moving the goods before and after with a style "frog" in order to make it clear that it is embracing that Trulli is decomposed your spending .... Invariably, just before it reaches the cashier at the forearm and the claws to scan for the poor is distracted and lose those four or five articles in the receipt of the customer that the foregoing under the gaze of the cashier who dreams of Lucifer fit them divider down the trachea .........
For the customer, "twin" a prosperous year for new roads and evolution of communication ..... a year that brings the awareness that it is removing the divider "next customer" and even throwing various items before the face of the cashier or stealthily pushing up above the drawer that that should being able to do, open to giving change, that it makes work easier and saves valuable time, but it bothers the worker and makes you dislike whatever ........
Full of artistic, affectionate and playful, independent and unpredictable, Cancer is something of a cat of the Zodiac. It seems lazy and sleepy, but like a good cat, is always ready to pounce.
cancer The customer is the one that comes in hand with his grandson screaming loudly in the seat of trolley with a toy car in his hand and continues to repeat a mantra soporific "Come on Riccardino, now you have to give the toy car to the lady who serves us and go away" with the rising tone of any cell phone ringer up to the limit whose grandmother and grandson yelling at the same level, five notches ... the maximum ... Too bad he still has ten customers that in front of her, not at all softened by the wine-colored boy that shakes the tonsils as a kind of siren, fire trucks, do not deign to look neither to give up their position in queue and also the cashier does not accelerate the pace of a comma (formerly enough support) despite the soliloquy of the grandmother and infant decibel URL ...
Customers of this new year will mark the resignation of staying in line with or without niece newsboy ... without claiming privileged position just because it carries a "disturbing element ".....
Dynamics and proud, creative and caring, the real Leone wants only one thing: having a throne of its own.
The customer or the customer lion are the most feared by the cashier over the world for their theatricality, the presuppositional and mischief that makes them .. Typical customers
Leone Lombardy and Piedmont with occasional Roman ...... and some occasional Ligurian hinterland that borders .......
The customer is the lion came to the cashier with a bag of Louis Vuitton's new trinca and compliments of the cashier confessed "knows, is an exclusive model ... I bought it in Paris," then, recovering herself of the moment confidence, the cashier looks like a chihuahua poop on the sidewalk and decrees "Of course her on her salary as a grant if not will never allow ....." (1 answer. "Sure the lady that I can allow ... I do the work of the second escort ... maybe her husband gave it to me! Reply 2. "Of course not ... we only cashier bags made in china ..... but we have a fridge full house and not go to soups in a bag!! Know 3. Lady ....... you fuck off and she bought her bag under the Eiffel Tower ... to me the French are well on your ass ......)
Leone is what the customer with a wink to his wife and complacent in sable furs extinct (the last copies are now devoid of life, clinging to this humpback whale) decreed "Ah finally you also have decided to adopt these biodegradable bags ...."
cattle look of the cashier who does not want to encourage the wide-mouthed frogs ....
"We in Milan since 1920 we use biodegradable bags .. Your smell our scented with fragrances of the garden and are sponsored by great designers ... since 1900 when we still do not know what had we realized the garbage collection (reference: the type of organic waste they dispose of droppings in Liguria ?).... we respect nature (nature gave you sympathy and understanding: why have you rejected?) and ' environment ... we are too far from us and everything is recycled (vedo. ...)..... were waiting forward to your ingresso nel mondo civile... bla..bla..bla...."
Quando tira fuori il portafoglio la cassiera si accorge che è in pelo di cavallino scuoiato vivo con riporti in zanna di elefante........
"No i sacchetti non me li dia... costano troppo qui da voi ho portato i miei da casa"
Per il nuovo anno... nuove performance all'insegna della cafonaggine più sfrenata per questi ecclettici clienti....il pubblico li aspetta con ansia e le cassiere non vedono l'ora di servire un Leone e fargli una ola in barriera casse........
Altro che inossidabile, that other unassailable. Our friend of the Virgin is painfully shy and insecure and tends to mask his indecision with a confidence that is far from having ....
Lady on mobile "Yes ... I told you ... I told him to go to hell ... you know ..... sorry but the tills at the supermarket ..... " (Apologies to the other party is not the cashier who is watching from half an hour trying unsuccessfully to spray ...)
"Look, I pass the first " glass stuff? "(Good morning .. . .....)
this unknown "Hello lady .... Excuse me? "
" No I do not We speak with that stupid ...... I'm sorry but I do not want to know ... You tell him ....." piercing gaze of the cashier to take the phone to the lady and we would throw shooting, could have any weapon ......
"I go first to the jars and detergents I put them in the basket? "
" Yes ma'am ... I just wanted to pass these artichokes in the balance .... where are the glasses and the detergent? "
" So as we are okay ...? I have to pay from the expense and do not have time ....."
"Madam, where are the cans?" (shit, now I spit the gum on the credit card, the stick on the glass shelf and we play ; shooting gallery Staples and see if you stop ....)
"After spending ... are at the bottom of expenditure" s. .... ignore the annoyed tone (in that it ignores some manners I assume from birth ....)
After spending? Jesus' first six meters of the scanner ..... ......
(put them in pole position, the jars, was too intelligent not it? Never overdo it in life ... if the phone is being a scientist, put the jar first, it's really too .......)
'm getting ready to go back and forth between the case and the end of the roller when ....
"Wait a moment ......." off the phone from the ear, looks at me and decided
screams "put me through even the bags?" (the "please" this strange .....)
"Take them well lady, are small or large?
"All right then at five ... hello, hello"
"Lady bags are large or small?"
liveliness of the stone on the shoreline ....
"I do not know"
"How many ?"...
"I do not know ....... the cans are under ........" sole expression of just thrown in a pan ..... (But we do or are you there? you're taking the piss? No, tell me so that I set and I pretend not to know why I'm here and I also keep phone eh ?.....)
For these clients ... what to say .. a bit of common sense would not hurt ..... and maybe two lines of education ........
sign Libra
Refined and conceited, conciliatory and just, the true scale is above all an artist ......
Customer Balance is looking at the cashier with a smile, singing a melodious "Do you remember me?" The
cashier looks at him and makes his mind about local life, from childhood to the present, but this gentleman does not appear to be no memory ....... "I went last week and bought a cake on offer ...."
The cashier looks at him and is about to exclaim, "Of course .... we sold a panettone without candied December 16 at 14.45 .... Of course I remember you had an Eskimo ... which lacked the zip and had brought the bags home from a slight tic ...... enlivened the left eye and I remember it was blowing my nose repeatedly tell me ...... well .. .. " imbacalita but remains with the same expression of an octopus just out of the freezer to set the client is hoping joking and laughing at us from time to time ......
"Today I did not find that brand and I had to take another ....." resentful expression
(No, not kidding: we want to talk to a good psychiatrist that can make us overcome this difficult time?)
For 2011, these customers the ability to understand that I'm not the cashier in the shop under "Casa Banana", the one where everyone is called by name and we do sit down and talk at the expense of talking about this and that .... who passes by me ten times eleven puffing to dentures and ill tapping the nail polish on the shelf or simply dirty in a frantic dance of urgency ... I sputtered on its claims in a draw a bull that breathed hell ...... throw me his membership card on the face as Briatore throw the keys to the Ferrari at the Hilton chauffeur ......... I checked the rest murmuring, "even machines can go wrong ......." sigh!
sign Scorpio
Feared, hated and most desired, the Scorpion is the most talked about sign of the Zodiac. Is said to be a magical sign, and terribly vindictive pissed .......
Place of hearing: a magnet for all the pain in the ass that roam in the neighborhood without having anything to do ... A kilometer queue of phenomena that snort waiting their turn.
At one point a little boy about 7 / 8 years is close to the door and air links to the frantic cries: "Do you speak Inglese?"
The poor now think of a foreign child in the confusion persos from "The Day After" shaking all over the hypermarket ..... already imagine a desperate mother who goes through the hypermarket aisles shouting "james! ! where are you trying to keep ?"....... il bimbetto rosso in viso e confuso....
"Baby you're with someone ? Where is your mother?" bambino sei con qualcuno, dov'è la tua mamma?
Il bambino continua a fissarla ed a ripetere "Do you speak english?"
La nostra collega comincia ad agitarsi e continua ad interrogare il bambino mentre serve i clienti sempre più nervosi .....
"You want me call your mother here?" vuoi che chiami la tua mamma qui?
The little robot continues unperturbed to repeat "Do you speak Inglese?"
at some point, after a good half hour of back and forth, and when the colleague now seems determined to call off the microphone "English is the mother of the child pending the listening," the dwarf explodes in a hearty laugh and turned to my colleague's screams "Have you noticed that I'm taking the piss?"
(no, I noticed that you're taking the piss small bimbominkia
...... see if you find you from Patton, which is coming straight at you cozzetto, that che ti sposterà di mezzo metro... quel tanto che basterà a farti sbattere la testina contro la prima parete.....)... frena l'impulso di prendere a sberle il piccolo idiota e gli digrigna i denti sibilando un "Vedi di andare a fare un giretto bimbo che io ho da fare"......
Lo osserva ridere di gusto pensando che sarebbe meglio eliminarli da piccoli......da grandi saranno clienti perfetti per questo supermercato
Il 2011 porterà nuovi minipirla in erba per tutti i supermercati del mondo... un piccolo lobot (da lobotomizzato), magari figlio Art, you break your balls while you're working on is priceless .......
sign Sagittarius
Funny and a little gluttons, true Sagittarius obey only one master, the god of freedom. Like the mythical centaurs, going on long walks in the countryside in search of adventure and new love.
festive morning post .... Public scarce but several open cases in anticipation of the tsunami's Eve ...... I'm arming the biodegradable bags all cases when the case comes up to me 23
an old woman, raincoat wool cap, and that trascinando una borsa con rotelle si ferma e mi sorride....
Mi volto con 50 sacchetti in mano e la guardo, le sorrido anche io...
"Apre?"
"Buongiorno, no signora......."
"Allora cosa fa lì alla cassa?" (risposta 1. Sto facendo un solitario con i sacchetti........risposta 2. Sto controllando che non ci siano coltelli o armi contundenti che le cassiere si siano portate da casa vinte dalla disperazione.....risposta 3. Stavo aspettando che qualcuno mi rivolgesse una domanda intelligente....)
"Sto rifornendo di sacchetti le casse, signora"
"Well, but I have two pieces could pass ......." (I, I were a man, I have two balls, but she could not disintegrate ?......)
"Ma'am I'm not on duty in this case .... There are several open this morning with very few people queuing ......."
"But she is not doing anything ..."
I look and I can not understand why it does not fall to the ground stiff ..... because my damn not work when you need never .......
around the shoulders and continue to do my work as if nothing had happened .....
"Oh well ...... hello ........" and swinging away with his bag on wheels squeaking
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest ............
The 2011 will give a good neurologist at all Sagittarius is a bit of awareness ...... Open your mouth until you know what you are talking about: a concept difficult to implement ... old age is not an excuse for rudeness ......
sign Capricorn
patient, stubborn, lonely, Capricorn knows what he wants and always manages to get it, had to wait cents' years!
I'm passing lane of cool when a lady approaches me ...." Cashier (I do not have my name on a job but a "lady" is asking too much? ... If I go to the bank I call the cashier "bank"? if I am in a museum addressed the staff with a "keeper?" and if I go to the bathroom autogrill greet the lady who collects the offerings with a "hostess process?) cashier you could get that high two pieces of Swiss cheese (Leerdammer)?
"Yes ma'am," I lean and I can grab the last two pieces in the bottom of the top shelf "
" But the last two? "Shocked expression .....
" This lady "
" Ah do not want them then who knows what it is they are there ...."
"expire February 23 of next year lady ...... are wrapped in cellophane and then I do not think there are more than a couple of days I'm there "
" I do not want ......( reflects a moment) and then the Swiss cheese is also increased by 50 cents if we did ? Excuse me know ....."
(That's why I did not sleep well last night .... and I to turn them over and ask me why ..... valerian did not even effect us ... I think, when the Swiss cheese adds 50 cents a as a cashier can pretend nothing happened?)
"Goodbye lady has been a pleasure"
The new year I do not know if there will be for the Capricorn to high risk of extinction if they continue to break the Kiwis ( You know the look of the kiwi? round, brown and Pelosetta lends itself to various interpretations, without being vulgar, give a good idea and then there will be a "face Kiwis - the customer instead of being queued outside the group is staring at the cashier like a watching a Formula 1 Grand Prix of waiting for the fatal accident, a graduate of kiwi "- the customer always hear grumbling from him with that" I told you I "that makes us want to see him in a truck in the near future ...... There will always, unfortunately, those who break the Kiwis in a supermarket ... all the" spaccakiwi "new breed of half human and half stracciacoglioni who wanders the aisles hungry looking for a victim on which any download their frustrations and start your day)
patient, stubborn, lonely, Capricorn knows what he wants and always manages to get it, had to wait cents' years!
I'm passing lane of cool when a lady approaches me ...." Cashier (I do not have my name on a job but a "lady" is asking too much? ... If I go to the bank I call the cashier "bank"? if I am in a museum addressed the staff with a "keeper?" and if I go to the bathroom autogrill greet the lady who collects the offerings with a "hostess process?) cashier you could get that high two pieces of Swiss cheese (Leerdammer)?
"Yes ma'am," I lean and I can grab the last two pieces in the bottom of the top shelf "
" But the last two? "Shocked expression .....
" This lady "
" Ah do not want them then who knows what it is they are there ...."
"expire February 23 of next year lady ...... are wrapped in cellophane and then I do not think there are more than a couple of days I'm there "
" I do not want ......( reflects a moment) and then the Swiss cheese is also increased by 50 cents if we did ? Excuse me know ....."
(That's why I did not sleep well last night .... and I to turn them over and ask me why ..... valerian did not even effect us ... I think, when the Swiss cheese adds 50 cents a as a cashier can pretend nothing happened?)
"Goodbye lady has been a pleasure"
The new year I do not know if there will be for the Capricorn to high risk of extinction if they continue to break the Kiwis ( You know the look of the kiwi? round, brown and Pelosetta lends itself to various interpretations, without being vulgar, give a good idea and then there will be a "face Kiwis - the customer instead of being queued outside the group is staring at the cashier like a watching a Formula 1 Grand Prix of waiting for the fatal accident, a graduate of kiwi "- the customer always hear grumbling from him with that" I told you I "that makes us want to see him in a truck in the near future ...... There will always, unfortunately, those who break the Kiwis in a supermarket ... all the" spaccakiwi "new breed of half human and half stracciacoglioni who wanders the aisles hungry looking for a victim on which any download their frustrations and start your day)
sign Aquarius
sign of great revolutionaries and artists of 'vanguard' s Aquarius is ruled by Uranus, the planet of transformation. If you never want to bore you, choose to live next to an aquarium.
The aquarium and the client that the request for change of the cashier muttered a "I do not have the last ... I used to coach ........."
The cashier looks at you and demand that this thriller is out of the western Ligurian ET (and especially schools that have attended and that profit) that travels in a carriage fee, by which nursing home is run, and seeing what could very well be wearing pajamas, leans from his position to find out if the poor thing is still in slippers with this cold ....... Then he realizes that Cenerantola means the truck and found that with the resignation of the rampant ignorance of the Italian language between us like an incurable disease is launching a broad smile and a reassuring "Quiet lady .... I have given them the rest "Then the customer
aquarium is run:" I'm the discount nutritional value? " (Eeeehhhh?) Or "I cut the card?" (I'm a thief?), "I cancel the shareholder?" (I am a serial killer?) "Look, if I have money?" (I am an ATM?) All ways of saying who report a willingness to take advantage of the instant rebate on the points accumulated with the membership card ...... It is up to the cashier to interpret the various Caucasian languages \u200b\u200branging from pure silane by Tibetan Bergamo old ... and not only the languages \u200b\u200bbut the concepts are painstakingly implemented by any human being with normal qi ...... For all aquariums filled with dictionaries and a 2011 command of the language not only to say bullshit and raise air gums ......
sign
The native fish of Pisces is gentle, sensitive and generous, but not caused his anger for no reason why you would pay a dear and dumb like a 'fish'.
arrives in case a lady dressed all in white, Moonbootica feet and a semi-asphyxiated poodle under his arm ..... cotonata with a head that seems carved in sunflower ... And stares at me blankly when I ask "has the membership card ... Good morning ma'am?" continues unabated to stare without the breath of life ..... I think it is deaf and pretending nothing (because in addition to the hair to be sculpted nell'unto several days that a bar of soap is not addressed to her a greeting) pass its spending quickly enough .......
"There are 50 € e 46 centesimi"
La nebbia dietro agli occhi e la stessa vivacità di un pitone......
"Sono 50 euro e 46 centesimi...... ha i 46 centesimi signora?"
La bisunta apre la bocca (non vi descrivo quello che vedo perchè mi siete simpatici) e fruga nella borsa.... ne tira fuori un borsellino di pelle nera (almeno credo che sia nera.....) che si mette in bocca e comincia a sistemare la spesa nei sacchetti.......
Io la guardo e guardo la cliente successiva che è sull'orlo di una crisi isterica......
"Signora, mi scusi, sono 50 euro e 46....ha i 46 centesimi?" ( e magari anche i 50 visto che non hai ancora mosso un dito verso il portafoglio...)
Mi guarda e scuote la testa, sempre col borsellino in bocca, come un cane che non vuole mollare l'osso....
Aspetto ancora un attimo e la sciatta butta sulla cassa un cento euro e rimane lì...col borsellino in bocca a fissarmi... Un vuoto a perdere......
Dò il resto alla "assente" che rimane ancora un attimo lì a riflettere e poi si allontana lentamente........
Non so cosa predire ai pesci per l'anno nuovo...... nella palla che sto guardando c'è un pò di nebbia.......
E adesso vorrei augurare un buon anno nuovo a tutti quanti... Alle mie colleghe che mi hanno fatto sentire a mio agio in questi mesi e non mi hanno mai fatto pesare il provenire da un diverso ambiente di lavoro..... A chi mi ha sostenuto il morale nel passaggio dagli uffici alle casse......Ai clienti gentili e ben educati (e ce ne sono tanti) Buon anno al signore gentilissimo che in una mattinata di qualche mese fa mi ha soccorso in un calo di pressione che mi ha fatto schiattare sulla sedia in cassa e ancora , dopo mesi, quando passa mi chiede "Allora sta meglio adesso?" ......Buon anno the lady giving me convinced that the verification of € 100 Cash seeing that I had given 50 as I was sure I would like to apologize now and again when it passes by me !!!!! Happy New Year to Granny that brings me sweets and tenderness that makes his toothless smile .......
Happy New Year to those that I consider more friends than colleagues ..... even though we share many years I'm happy and I feel lucky to have you around ....... Happy New Year to my two friends of the trio for Brenda ... thanks girls !!!!!!!
Happy New Year to the hard core, the wife of Prince St. and the small but fetentissima T. ....... thanks girls !!!!!
Happy New Year to my two trusted advisors F. & V. ... without you, my blog would be poorer ........
Happy New Year to all brothers and sisters who share with me this job and know what it means to resist .......... There stimoooooo brothers !!!!!!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!!!!!!
DIMENTICATEMIIIIIIIIIII NOT !!!!!!!! (I wanted an ending that makes the emotion ...... Renato Zero is the tear? No ?.... oh well ....)
Jains
0 comments:
Post a Comment